Early Sunday morning (as in 4 a.m. local time), I found myself in a tent in the dark in the rain. After an hour of tossing and turning and waking my tentmate and failing to fall asleep, I reached up for my cell phone. I logged onto Facebook. In the past 24 hours since I last visited Facebook, three contacts had wed (an ex-boyfriend was the best man in one of the weddings), one contact had proposed to his girlfriend, one (wife of an ex-boyfriend)announced the gender of her baby to be born in the spring, and people still have their damn cute pets.
Seeing all these people taking all this big strides in their personal life makes me feel like a loser who needs to get my life together. Some nights, I wonder if I would be happier, feeling more accomplished and accepted by those who taught and raised me, if I had stuck with my faith. I know that if I had stuck to the "straight and narrow," I would be at least engaged by now. I wonder if I threw away my happiness instead of a seemingly oppressive belief system. On the other hand, I have no interest in weddings and babies, and I don't believe this dislike is purely rooted in bitterness, so perhaps things are working out for the best. I hope someday the whole slave-away-as-a-science-student-till-all-my-hair-falls-out leads to a fulfilling career and inner happiness, but I'm beginning to wonder...
So, to make myself feel better, I looked at pictures of chinchillas because chinchillas are adorable. Guess what I still don't have? A chinchilla. Or a cat or a dog or a rat or a mouse. I'm an adult. My whole world feels like it's moving on without me while I sell my soul to the graduate school gods, and I am not allowed have a pet (besides a beta or goldfish) because of my living situation. This is silly. I clearly need a psychiatrist to write me a prescription for a furry mammal.
Look at this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Chinchilla-Patchouli.jpg . It will make your whole day better, and you'll want a chinchilla prescription too!
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