FROM: https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/19083_519429231413678_1578518269_n.jpg
Let that image soak in for a minute. A diamond ring in a condom wrapper with the caption "Safe Sex: get married and be faithful." I assume the intended message was, "If two people mutually abstain from sex until marriage, and then only have sex with their spouse, then there is no risk of STI transmission." However, this image suggests so many other things, a few of which are genuinely disconcerting. Can you count how many things are wrong with this picture?
Let's start with the nit-picky, inconsequential problems in this image. In the U.S., the traditional women's engagement ring is a dainty, yellow-gold band with a round or princess-cut, solitary, clear diamond held in with 4 prongs. Yes. In an ill-thought-out decision, the artist has, in fact, used an engagement ring instead of a wedding band. As is, the image suggests making even a non-martial commitment to a partner and keeping that commitment makes sex safe, which is utterly ridiculous.
My second trivial problem with the graphic is that it is a woman's ring inside the obviously male condom packaging. While probably represented this way to make the image more aesthetically pleasing or perhaps more intuitive, I would argue that the artist would have been better served using the equally iconic male wedding band. As is, this picture puts all responsibility on preventing STI transmission on women. I am sorry if this is crude, but as the male condom covers male genitalia, should it not be incumbent upon a man to be responsible for its correct and appropriate use? Too frequently in heterosexual relationships, it is women who must insist on using protection to prevent STDs and pregnancy. Use of a woman's ring in the male condom package reinforces the misconception that is solely the woman's responsibility to protect herself and her partners.
But, those comparative trivialities aside, let us now address the real issues:
1.) Married sex DOES NOT EQUAL safe sex
Abstinence is the only safe sex. This means, the only 100% guaranteed way to never get pregnant or get an STD is to never have any sexual contact with any other person ever. Sexual contact includes any sexual act in which one person is in contact with another person's "private parts," even if the other person's are not involved. If one or both partners in a relationship has had sexual contact with someone other than their present partner, there is always a possibility of STI transmission. Even if you wait for your wedding day to have your first sexual contact and your spouse claims that s/he has done the same, s/he may be lying or s/he may not realize an encounter in the past "counts" as sexual contact (that is, they may claim to be a virgin, because they haven't done sexual act A, but they may have done sexual acts B, C, and D, which all involved some kind of genital contact). Alternatively, you may wait your whole life for Mr. Right, only to find out Mr. Right met a few Ms. Right-Now's along the way. Furthermore, there are some conditions that can be transmitted sexually that can also be picked up accidentally in the environment (such as scabies or herpes) or that could be in the system since birth, so even two virgin-at-marriage and 100% faithful partners could give each other STDs.
2.) There is a place for condoms in faithful marriages
Condoms are absolutely necessary in any sexual relationship if there is concern about transmitting an STI, but this is not the only use of condoms. Couples may use condoms as a primary form birth control, to augment the efficacy of their primary form of birth control, or as backup birth control. With exponential human population growth and limiting global resources, couples need to limit themselves to two or fewer biological children. There is literally not enough farmable land to grow enough crops to sustain the growing population. Groundwater resources are being depleted. Global climate change is augmenting the challenges that overpopulation is causing, and an increasingly large and increasingly wealthy (believe it or not) global population is creating demand for electricity, fossil fuels, and mineral resources, which results in continued global climate change. The days of "Be fruitful and multiply" have long past.
3.) This is unrealistic in American society
Why? Two reasons.
a.) Gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals in committed relationships of partners of the same sex cannot legally marry in most states, and their marriages are not federally recognized
Today more than ever, many LGBT youth and young adults are proudly embracing their identities. I am sure some of these young people aspire to the spirit of the image, but are not legally allowed to marry the person they love. It is no secret that many of the advocates against gay marriage are right-wing Christians, the same demographic that produced the above picture. The love of gay and lesbian couples is just as good, true, loyal, and faithful a love as that of straight couples. Give them the right to equal marriages!
b.) The disparity between age of loss of virginity and age of first marriage
The average American loses their virginity at about 17 (see Wiki article for a general discussion and additional sources), but doesn't marry until about 27. Why? That is a complicated question for psychologists, sociologists and demographers to answer, but I am not alone in my belief that it has much to do with the need for further education in the modern US for both men and women (see Huffington Post article). Before many modern Americans even think about settling down and starting a family, they need to graduate high school, graduate college or finish some form of post-secondary training, and get their careers started. Many fields now require Master's degrees as the entry level degree, which puts two more years between average age of loss of virginity and a wedding. In such a volatile economy, and with ever-increasing costs of attending college (let alone the $25,000 average cost of a wedding!), few have the luxury of marrying right out of high school or even immediately after college. Furthermore, many of the younger generation are wary of marriage because of their divorced family members.
If the religious right truly prioritizes abstinence until marriage, they need to push for more provisions, tax breaks, grants, student loan deferrals, student housing, special health care privileges, and so on for married people under 25. Additionally, some research shows that early loss of virginity is more likely if the mother works extensively outside the home, so one would think the right wing would push heavily for benefits to families where one or both parents work part-time, work from home, or elect not to work to focus on parenting.
As such plans are not major issues for the religious right to my knowledge, I think it is safe to conclude that abstinence until marriage is an ideal that the religious right only expects of their own children and their children's future spouses, not of society as a whole. As such, they need to stop expecting abstinence until marriage from the non-religious and pushing for abstinence-only sex education in state-run schools.
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